


Stay

by Iomhair



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, just a couple of tumblr ficlets I wanted to save
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iomhair/pseuds/Iomhair
Summary: Boris is sick, but he'll never admit it. Valery is slightly concerned.
Relationships: Valery Legasov/Boris Shcherbina
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift for @johnlockismyreligion. Please check our her works, she is amazing <3

Moscow greets Valery Legasov with the ever-growing noises of the loud cars and scent of autumn rains. It's different, so different here now. It's actually strange, really: a couple of months ago, right before April Valery could not imagine his life without all of this fuss, all of the sounds of the city that never really sleeps. Now it all comes back as if Pripyat has never existed: distant and somewhat cozy roaring of autumn rain, traffic lights right under his windows, ticking clock, long forgotten smell of books and cigarette smoke.

Valery slowly walks forward, avoiding stepping on the creaking board out of habit. He enters his study, gazing at the student papers that were left here many months ago. Right... He was about to grade them, kids were supposed to have an exam. Suddenly Valery wonders about this exam, being curious about the grades. Were they good? Did his students pass? Did he manage to actually teach them something? Not that their grades matter now, not that most of the things matter now, but simple thoughts and simple distractions always helped him to keep sanity. Why giving up this habit now, when it's mostly needed.

Despite the noises outside the apartment everything seems so deadly quiet, and when the loud sound of ringing phone breaks the silence Valery rushes to it without even thinking.

\- Hello?

The same silence greets him at first. Just for a split second or two, but it's enough for Valery to get excited and hopeful at the same time. He does not even need to hear this voice. And yet... all he wants is to listen to it again and again.

\- Valery, this is Boris. Did you get home in time? It's stormy in Moscow, I just heard in the news.

Legasov smiles. Hundreds of storms would not matter now, all that mattered was the familiar loud voice that he got used to hear every day in Chernobyl. Voice that Valery missed more than he would ever dare to admit even to himself. It seemed odd, scary even: they have parted just a couple of hours ago, why does it feel like an eternity away?..

\- Valery, is everything all right?

\- Yes, sorry, everything is all right. Of course it's all right, really, I'm fine. I just... I guess it takes time to get used to it. Did not realize I am home.

\- Well, we have a couple of days. Get some rest. We are going back soon.

\- I understand. Thank you.

\- Good. I will you see you then.

So many words Legasov wants to say. Maybe he even would if he was braver. But Valery knows that he is not brave whatsoever, and he allows himself to enjoy that little that he had - a simple call. They are going back in just a couple of days, and for some horrible, absolutely stupid reason Valery's heart beats faster now only of the plain knowledge that soon he will see Boris once again. Pathetic, Legasov thinks to himself. What an old fool he is. Both of them need some reprieve and he better enjoy it.

In fact, he is not.

Valery walks to the window, watching the rain and taking out the cigarette from the pack, lighting it up. He tries to come up with some excuse that would allow him to call Boris back and to listen to his voice just a little bit longer. Maybe he hanged up too fast and it was quite rude. Maybe they need to discuss further plans. Maybe Boris had something to add to Valery's report to Kremlin's officials. And maybe, just maybe he would not mind hearing from his friend once again.

Solitude never really bothered Legasov, he did find it quite enjoyable, and it was always easier to work when his mind was not occupied with anything distracting. But somehow now it seems like a burden and Valery was secretly asking himself if there was even a slight chance that Boris feels the same. The second cigarette brings a false sense of the determination and Valery almost picks up the phone once again.

\- Don’t do it, - he whispers quietly, making the warning vocal and therefore more real, - Don’t even think about it.  
The early evening falls on Moscow very quickly, wrapping it in another layer of rain and fog.

Not today. But maybe tomorrow.

* * *

Waking up when you are utterly in love and have to keep quiet about it is not easy, that Legasov realized on his first week in Chernobyl. Not impossible, but very much heartbreaking. Every day seems like a burden and a blessing, and today, Valery already knew it, would be especially strange. Yet he will have to go through it, preferably using this chance of being in Moscow to their benefit, maybe meet certain people, ask some very uncomfortable questions, or even see his friends.

The weather is horrible even for the early autumn. Legasov thinks that he would actually love to stay at home today, but he has only few days in Moscow and he has to use them.

It all comes back to him very quickly: crowded metro, traffic outside, loud students chasing the bus to Kurchatov institute, kiosks with newspapers, pieces of conversations, and people, actual people outside, and none of them looking like the ones Valery used to see in Chernobyl. It feels… reassuring.

The fuss of his usual life quickly envelops Valery in its embrace, taking the familiar form of friends, colleagues, students, even his own office. It seemed like life has not changed for anyone except of him, although Legasov knew that it was not true. He found it quite amusing that some of the colleagues tried to avoid him on purpose. Everyone knew where Valery came from. Everyone knew what happened there. And Legasov knew that no one would dare to ask him any questions and put themselves under the unnecessary risk. He expected it, anticipated the silence. But the unnerving feeling of being crossed out from the life that he used to have was getting stronger and stronger.

It’s stupid, really. Dangerous even. But it’s the end of the day and Valery needs to know that he still exists. That Chernobyl happened. Still happening. After all, he has a perfect excuse: a fresh report with the actual data that Boris will need to see.

Legasov sighed, watching his own hand lingering over the red phone on his desk. Just seven numbers, he can certainly do it. He was near the open reactor, he spent last months in the most dangerous place on earth, surely one call can’t be that scary.

The circle with dialed numbers slowly spins there and back. One by one Valery touches the digits, actually hoping that maybe Boris would not pick up, maybe he is already sleeping, maybe is drinking somewhere with friends, maybe he is somewhere else, maybe he is at…

\- This is Boris Shcherbina. Who am I speaking to?

…or he can actually pick up the phone.

\- Boris, this is Valery, I needed to…

Needed to what? Hear you? See you? Make sure you exist?  
The loud sound of sneezing interrupts Valery and getting him worried. He keeps silent for a couple of seconds, giving Boris some time to recover.

\- Perhaps this is bad timing, sorry, Boris, I can call tomorrow.

\- It’s all right, I am fine.

\- Yes, you clearly are.

Legasov could not see, but could almost hear the usual growl, that Boris used to make when he was unhappy with the way things were.

\- It’s nothing urgent, really. I just wanted you to see some new changes and make sure that you are aware of them. But it can wait.

\- Do you need me to look at it?

\- Yes, but if you are not feeling well…

\- Nonsense, I am perfectly fine.

Valery does not really know what to say to this. It was always tough to overrule Shcherbina’s decisions, but it never stopped Legasov before.

\- Boris, listen…

\- I’ll give you my address. Come by and we’ll talk.

He should not agree. Under any circumstances he should not accept it, Valery already knows it. This is a very bad idea, in fact, he should decline it right away…

\- I’ll be in an hour.

…but those words slip off his lips before Legasov could stop himself.

Valery’s palms are shivering when he hangs up the phone. His heart is beating almost three times faster when he collects everything that he wanted to show to Boris. None of those papers are very important and Legasov knows it, all of this could actually wait. But the need to see him, maybe just to make sure that everything is all right is way stronger than his own pride.

* * *

Shcherbina opens the door and it’s pretty obvious to Valery that something’s not right. Boris does not look like his usual self, in fact, he looks far from it. And Legasov does not need to be a doctor to realize that his friend probably did not sleep that night very well.

\- Boris, how are you feeling?

Simple question, that would usually require a simple answer, but not with Boris Shcherbina, never with this man. He would never admit that something is wrong with him, as if accepting help from another human being would make him less of a man.

\- I am fine. Just did not sleep well.

\- Right…

In any other time Legasov would have accepted this explanation even if it was far from truth. Despite Boris’ opinion, he could play those social games to a certain extent, could spare someone’s ego, could avert the eyes in case it was needed. Valery never managed to master it, but at least he learned the very basics.

But now… Now it was different.

Legasov walked into the apartment, still holding the folder with the papers. Even in his wildest dreams, whenever he imagined being at this place, he never expected it to be this… intimate. Everything around him kept the feel of Boris, making this apartment so incredibly personal, that it was impossible to ignore. Somehow Valery knew that Shcherbina was feeling the same, but for some odd reason he did not make any attempts to stop Valery or to let him know that he is not welcome here. He just sighed, for some reason giving a quick glance to the mirror, quickly touching the collar of his shirt, and walked through the dark corridor. Valery heard the sound of cups and teaspoons, turning away from the massive bookshelf, filled with different books and beautiful atlases in fancy covers. Legasov suspected that most of them were here just for decoration, but some part of him desperately wanted to give this cabinet a closer look.

\- Valery, I am making tea, will you have some?

Before Valery could even say something, he heard a loud sound of sneezing that Shcherbina was obviously trying to cover. He walked to the kitchen, freezing at the doorframe and watching Boris wearily sitting onto the chair, looking somewhat offended. With the quiet sigh Legasov stepped forward, gently touching Boris’ forehead with the palm, measuring the temperature.

\- I have not been sick for so many years. Always healthy. Even when my daughter was sick and I had to spend nights at her bed – never caught anything. And now… the one evening of rain and look at me, what the hell is this.

Valery could not help, but to allow himself to smile – Boris always tend to be dramatic despite his everlasting composure. How he managed to balance it, letting his emotions be mixed in the right way, remained a mystery.

\- Did you even sleep tonight?

\- Not really. I’ve been up all night. I took some pills, but it did not help much.

Valery sighed, stepping away and looking at Boris, desperately trying not to show anything that could be considered more than a simple concern for a sick friend.

\- Where do you keep medicine?

Boris nodded to the far drawer, still looking somewhat pale and tired.

\- You don’t have to do this.

\- Do what exactly?

\- Staying here for a start. Wasting your day. I am sure, you have plenty of other plans. Valery, really, it’s fine, I can take care of myself. You don’t get to my age without fighting a flu or two.

Legasov smirked, turning away from the drawer, already holding a big box filled with different pills, glass bottles, even the tin cans with medical lotions.

\- I thought you said that you’ve never been sick. Was this an imaginary fight?

\- I still can take care of myself.

With these words Boris bent forward, trying to fight the cough once again and then simply giving up to it. Valery felt his own fingers clenching the box even tighter.

\- I know you can, Boris. Just… just let me make you tea, deal?.. And what the hell is that, it’s been expired, of course it would not work!

\- I told you, I never needed any of those! Legasov, I am barely even home. I have work to do. I have no time to be sick!

Valery sighed, putting the box away and turning to Boris. Suddenly he realized that he has absolutely no rights to order around, that he is actually in another man’s apartment, which was the absolute last place in the world that Valery should have been visiting. Simple words “go to bed” got stuck in Legasov’s throat, and he felt his cheeks were getting covered with the very distinctive blush. It was impossible not to notice this, but Valery knew that Boris had good enough manners so to ignore it. At least for now.

\- Right…

The whole situation Valery found himself in was far from ordinary. It would have been uneasy, even scary, but the past months were full of quick events and quick decisions and Legasov wanted to think that this experience was sufficient enough to use it in the current circumstances.

\- You do need some rest, Boris, you might have a fever. I will make you tea and get you something that did not expire last century, but you need to… you know, what sick people usually do and try to stay in warmth.

Boris got up. It seemed like Valery’s words were finally making an effect or maybe he just did not feel like arguing, Legasov could not tell.

Rain outside was still pretty heavy, seems like autumn came early this year. But it does not matter, like grades of his students, like most of the things now. Valery knows that even if it was storm and tornado outside, he’d still go to this damn store, just to make sure that Boris will feel better. It actually takes him some time to find the pharmacy in the new area, get everything that he used to get for himself whenever he was getting sick and to come back to Boris’ apartment. His thin jacket is all wet, scarf is actually dripping with water, but the sudden feeling of this welcoming warmth of someone else’s apartment makes it all it worth it.

Twilight shadows were now covering the rooms, somehow making everything look more cozy. Legasov turned on the dimmed lights, trying to be move as quiet as possible, deciding to check on Shcherbina and doing his best to not actually think of the fact that he was now entering his bedroom.

\- Boris? It’s me. I got you some pills, and this syrup, look, it’s not much, but they did not have lots of choice and I’ll check another store tomorrow, and…

\- Thank you…

Valery shivers. How he longed to hear this voice once again. And yet now he would prefer not to hear it at all, rather letting his friend get some sleep. He was never the one to be too affectionate, was never able to declare anything he feels, preferring to keep everything a secret. It was safer. It was a right thing to do. Always was. And now it was not the time to make an exception.

Valery bit the lips, gently touching Boris’ forehead, letting his fingers slide over a couple of visible wrinkles. For the split second he met the gaze of the grey eyes, that haunted his dreams for many months. Is it… No, it can’t be. Boris’ just not feeling well. He is tired. He needs sleep. He needs a friend and not the loud declarations that will ruin everything and put them both into an extremely shitty position.

\- Give me a couple of minutes, I’ll come back.

Boris nods. And his lips are stretching in a slight smile.

It takes Valery a couple of minutes to brew the hot tea with the generous portion of honey, make the cold wrap and sort the medicine, leaving most of them on the table. It is somewhat strange to take care of someone just like this, but at the same time Valery is terrified of the fact that it feels so natural. Even the simplest of things, such as mixing honey with tea seemed so painfully domestic that some part of Valery dared to enjoy it.

He came back to Boris’ room only to see him settling under the blanket with nothing but an undershirt on. And although this was something Legasov expected to see, he did not really know how to react to that properly. Best would be just to turn away, or maybe pretend like nothing is happening, or maybe just drop this cup here, put everything on the bedside table, leave this place and never ever come back. Yes, that would be preferable. But then Boris shifted, opening the eyes and trying to pull the blanket higher with the visible effort.

\- Hold on, Boris, let me help.

\- I am perfectly fine, look, I can even get up myself, Valery.

\- Of course you can, I know, yes, but just… here, drink this.

Valery moved forward, trying not to think of the fact that this was the closest he has ever been to Shcherbina and that he was just about to touch his arm, leaning back the last second. He passed the cup to Boris, watching him drinking the hot tea and obediently swallowing all of the pills, not even asking any questions about them.

\- There you go. See, does not feel that bad.

\- It does not feel good either.

\- Yes, but you need to wait. That’s usually how the medicine works.

\- What if I don’t want to wait? This is boring.

Valery sighed. He could not believe it. Boris now looked at him with the expression that reminded Legasov of his own students, unhappy with the final result of their exam. He did his best to hide the smile, while slowly moving away from the bed, trying to be as subtle as it was possible.

\- I am sorry, I wish I could… make the effect immediate?

\- Can you?

\- No, but I can make it a bit easier.

Valery slowly put the cold wrap on Boris’ forehead, watching his lips opening in a quiet sigh.

\- That should help… - he whispered, slowly backing away, at this point unable to avoid looking at Boris, - I… I probably should go, you need some sleep, I can’t help with that. Listen, there are… pills on the table, I found some honey, I will come back in the morning to check on you. I turned off the stove, but I can make you another cup of tea, let me just…

\- Stay.

\- Excuse me?..

\- Stay, Valera.

This very second it seems to Legasov that his world has shuttered into millions little pieces. And as if those words were not enough, he suddenly felt Boris’ hand in his own, instinctively clenching the palm around his fingers. It was impossible, absolutely unbelievable, and yet it was happening.

Boris’ eyes are closed and it makes Valery think that this all is not real. That Boris’ fever probably reached the point when people do crazy things, say the words they don’t mean, act stupid – he heard about that. It is totally possible.

But Boris’ hand is still in his own, although the grip was now getting less strong. He is falling asleep fast, probably because of the warmth, or maybe it’s the rain outside, or the pills. Hundreds of reasons for that, really. All of them way more possible than any stupid fantasy.

\- I’m here.

Valery hopes that Boris did not hear that. That he has already fell asleep, that his treacherous voice was too quiet. And as if this was not enough, Legasov sat on a bed once again, trying to take as little space as it was possible. His heart seemed to jump out of the chest, but the hands were steady. Not even thinking what he was doing, not even caring of the consequences, not even knowing if it was the right thing to do, he leaned forward, for a split second pressing the lips to Boris’ knuckles, already knowing that he will stay by him all night, if needed.

\- I am here.

  
He should let go of Boris’ hand. In fact, he should leave immediately, it would have been a right thing to do. But the rain outside is getting only stronger and Boris is finally falling asleep, and he is still holding Valery’s hand, and his fever will be gone tomorrow – somehow Valery already knows that. And this is all that matters now.


End file.
